How strong is your chain? - part 2

Here is the second part of the dramatisation of the choices I’m facing each day – I wonder if it’s just me-me-me or is it actually useful to anyone to know this?

 

• Take home (WL score: 2): But sometimes I do buy things – when they ask for it, or when we shop together and it makes its way into our trolley sneakily. And it gets home. I noticed that if I put these things into certain places in my kitchen then they don’t bother me much. If they need to go to the fridge, then they do bother me more. So, lately all the cookies go into our bread drawer (I don’t eat bread since my op, so I do not open that drawer). Ice cream is a lucky situation, as D only likes the big tub of Walls vanilla, while I would only eat Haagen Dazs praline&cream – therefore I’m absolutely safe from that.
• Make or bake (WL score: 5): now I found this my pitfall. I’m an avid baker! I love to bake. It is my hobby and it relaxes me. If I had a really crap day just pottering in my kitchen baking something makes me feel recharged and relaxed. I collected a massive amount of cookbooks – most about baking stuff. I have all the kit and gadget a self-confessed baking addict can have. I love making macaroons, for heaven’s sake! You can wisely say: baking doesn’t make you fat; eating the goods make you fat – and you would be very right. But – actually BUT – although my family loves eating my baked goods, they do not have a real sweet tooth. I do. So when I bake a cake or some brownies or macaroons, I absolutely MUST eat them. Otherwise they just sit on the counter/in the fridge, unloved and unappreciated and they go bad. I haven’t mastered the technique of letting that happen. I normally fine on the day of baking – I can have a sliver (calories all counted) and leave it for the rest of the day. But the next day and the day after, when I notice that no-one really touched it, I just have to have some more... and more... and more. Major alarm bells there!!! I did a fruity scrummy cake just 4 weeks after my surgery. I was still on mushies, but because no-one touched the wonderfully looking cake on the counter, I had to have a couple of slices. It stuck. That was my first experience of having food stuck on my upper stomach because of my band. It was not pleasant. It did not come back, but made me oh-so-wary regarding baked goods. Two weeks ago, on a sunny and quite Sunday afternoon I suddenly had the urge to bake profiteroles. Filled with cream, doused in homemade chocolate sauce. One of D’s favourite. I just WANTED to make them, so much! I craved for the time in the kitchen! Of course I ended up having a few – with sugar free chocolate sauce on top. That evening I told my husband: I only ever going to bake for occasions from now on. Christmas, birthdays: bring them on! But no more recreational baking for me! It is really difficult. I’m collecting WLS friendly baking recipes, but not doing too good (until I’ve found Shelley’s blog) Now I’m planning to try her protein muffins over the weekend. Family’s not going to like them, but it is about me now. I need to find a way to channel my Inner Baking Goddess, but not jeopardize my weight loss efforts. I have to solve this!
• Display on the kitchen counter (WL score: 5): as above. These are normally goods I baked/made. Things we buy in store end up in their rightful places around the kitchen, and I do have quite a lot of temptation free area – I make a conscious effort to visit those, if I must eat. I stuffed my cupboard with various Atkins bars... they’ll do when I’m in sore need of a sweet-kick and they boost my protein intake too.
• Eat (WL score: 2): Ok, if/when I reach the point of putting things into my mouth that has been a conscious decision on my part. The days of eating meaninglessly are over for good! I can hand-on-heart honestly say that. And when I eat anything I measure it out, I count the calories and I log it in my food diary. ALWAYS. No exceptions. Even little bites – they all add up. Because of hubby and the family, I do cook for all of us (no special meals for me L ) and I eat the same as they do – with minor tweaks. Let’s say we have roast chicken with all the trimmings (potato included): I will roast some cauliflowers and have that instead of potato. Or if we have some curry I do not have rice (haven’t touched rice since my op) but I have a ¼ of a flatbread or pitta. Between work, exercise, family life and my reading addiction I do not have the time to cook separately for myself and my family. But I’m trying to make best of this situation, and so far it’s working. (knock-knock-knock)
• And eat some more (WL score: 2): you know the feeling when you become aware that you should stop eating, but the food is so tasty or you still feel hunger and just keep on eating? Another important thing I’ve learnt on my journey is that my stomach doesn’t need much food to be happy and my brains does not have eyes to see how much I eat. It’s my eyes and my old bad habits that keep me wanting more than my little WLS share of a meal. Two months out, and they still do: “oh, that’s not going to be enough! You are going to stay hungry! Are you kidding us?!” and so on and so forth. I’ve got this with every single meal. So what I do it that I measure and calculate the calories in my meal BEFORE I eat it. Then I sit down and try to eat VERY slowly, with tiny bites, chewing my food to an inch of its life and when I finish I walk away from the table. Sometimes I still feel hungry, and the leftovers are calling for me. But I wrestle those thoughts temporarily – in less than 10 minutes I know I’m not hungry anymore and the temptation goes away. It really does. Try it!

So, to conclude this massive two part drama, it is obvious that I have to work on the following areas:

• Making/baking food
• Leaving tempting food in sight permanently

Somewhat less serious, but still needs work:

• Buying things

I have to work on coping strategies for these. Doesn’t seem much, but when baking is your hobby how on earth can you abandon it cold-turkey? I’ve been thinking about piano lessons...

I would really appreciate your thoughts on these. What are your weak links and how did you/do you conquer them? Let me know...

Have a great weekend Everyone!

How strong is your chain? - part 1

I read a very interesting book lately about diets and weight-loss (Rethinking Thin by Gina Kolata). I’ve been oooh-ing and aaah-ing all the way through, nodding vigorously and having a permanent lightbulb of realization flashing above my head, but one sentence stuck with me in particular: what is your weakest point in your weight-loss efforts? Historically, I mean. Because, you know the proverb, the chain is only as strong as the weakest link in it.

So I’ve been conducting a mini experiment to unmask my weakest link(s) and learn to deal with them more efficiently.

My little experiment is very unscientific, and it involves watching myself like a hawk every time I think about/fancy/walk past/touch/put in my basket/buy/take home/make or bake/display on the kitchen counter/eat anything I am not supposed to. (Yeah, for those who are not banded in the audience: the band does NOT stop you eating crap... I stop me eating crap.)

So let’s analyse these links in my chain – I will score each link from 1 to 5 according to the likeliness it leads me to eat “out of order”; 1 being ‘highly unlikely’, 5 being ‘highly likely’

• Think about (WeakLink score: 1): that is where I find my band really helping, as I’m not nearly as interested in food as I used to be. Pre-band I was willing to rearrange my day if I fancied something from a store at the other end of town and needed time to get it. And I thought that was normal... duh! Now I can watch a food show (it’s like porn for us, as I’m sure other band-mates can attest) and not wanting to jump up from the sofa and try to recreate it in the kitchen. I actually enjoy these shows more, as I can be more absorbed without feeling the instant force of head-hunger. I haven’t even cancelled my Good Food magazine subscription – I enjoy finding new (WLS friendly) dishes and trying them at home. Interestingly, my focus shifted naturally from cakes and bakes to high protein meat based dishes... And I haven’t even tried to do that, it’s just happened!
• Fancy (WL score: 1): I do have cravings every now and then (yep, the band did not eliminate those either...). However, so far I haven’t given in once since my op. Whenever I ate some crap, that was a conscious decision made by me, calculated and accounted for in my food log and paid for by extra sessions in the gym or less calories on other meals that day or a not-so-great loss next time I stepped on the scale. I haven’t once fallen of my Band Wagon yet! And I don’t feel that such a chore either. It seems I have now the power to say NO in the early stages of a craving, and then to stick to my decision. That’s pretty cool.
• Walk past (WL score: 1): sometimes the previous link of fancying something even takes me to the shops. Or I’m at the supermarket when I suddenly fancy something naughty (I curse them every time for blowing in the scents of the bakery at the entrance!!). I go to the aisle; I face my foe; ... I face it some more...; then I can decide I do not really need it. Having gone through all the unpleasant parts of the surgery (have I mentioned vacuum pump hanging out from my stomach for 24 hours to automatically suck out the leftover blood in my abdominal cavity? I haven’t – I shall rectify that soon.) I acquired an uncanny tool of recalling all that and it puts a great perspective on my current foe: I don’t really need this, that’s not why I done this; I deserve more from myself.
• Touch (WL score: 2): Well, sometimes I’m tired or stressed or excited and my visual recall of the nasty post-surgery things just not working. So I pick up the offending food item. Now, listen to this: I always read the labels!!! Yes! And more often than not, I found the calorie/sugar/fat content so off-putting, that I put the thing straight back on the shelf.
• Put in my basket (WL score: 2): recently I went to the movies with my sis. Pre-op that meant a bag of M&Ms for yours truly. So, I picked up the pack and – after reading the label and tsk-tsking all the way – I proceeded by putting it in my basket. I had other things to buy too – good things. By the time I finished with the other stuff, the bag of M&Ms in my basket was burning a hole in my conscious and inducing a major amount of self loathing. Thin Me – who I recently empowered to take charge every now and then – was asking fat me: “remind me why did we go through all This (that’s how I refer to procedure – with capital T)? Not to ruin it with keeping up silly habits. You can take a protein bar to the movies, if you fancy something sweet.” Let me tell you: Thin Me won. I put the bag of sweets back where they come from. She keeps winning more and more easily each time.
• Buy (WL score: 3): If the story would go every time like in the last five points, there would be nothing to worry about, right? WRONG! One of the earliest thing I realised is that this whole WLS journey must be much easier for a single person. When you are single/do not have family you do not have to take other person(s) into consideration when you do your shopping. You only buy what You need, you only cook what You fancy... This is much harder when you have others to think about. And I’ve found that my mind makes it even harder by playing tricks on me. Prime example: My husband and stepsons LOVE cookies, amongst other naughty foods. And they can eat it by the truckload, because they are lucky that way. Sometimes I think of treating them to their favourite Millie’s box of 24 various shop-baked cookies. Or a dozen of Krispy Kremes. But when I’m paying really close attention, I always find that I don’t really want to treat THEM, but want to treat MYSELF by giving in and buying it. I caught myself several times thinking “oh, David would loooove these xxxxxx (you can put anything from cheesecake to brownies in the empty space). Let’s buy him some!” But then I take an honest – HONESTLY HONEST – look deep into my reasons, and I am constantly shocked that it is really me who I want to treat with these naughty foods, not so much my husband... Figure that! So now, when I pull the “let’s treat D” card on crap food, I always ask myself: did he ask me to buy it? Does he really want it? Can he live without it? And the end of this honest conversation inside my head is that I have bought only one “treat for D” since my surgery – it’s a Hungarian sweetbread D really-really loves, and I bought it in our specialist shop at Budapest when I walked past. I bought him 3. I ate one.... Well, my point exactly!!!!

To be continued...