I'm not MIA...

...but I'm facing redundancy at work.
It's fair to say it's shocking and I need to dig into details.
And find a new job - that's my finest focus.
The biggest challenge in this is not to revert back to all the comfort eating I used to do in stressful situations. I cannot afford to slide back on my weight loss and give myself more reasons to be miserable and depressed. I'M NOT DOING THAT!

Wish me luck in all these adventures - I need all the positivity the Universe can possibly send my way.

Sent from my iPhone

Fluke? or luck?

Ok, I know that I said in my Tuesday post that I'd like to get into the 170s this week. As I was 180.8 on Tuesday morning I expected - hoped for - to see something around 179.8-ish this morning. Just enough to give me a buzz about the first two digits and help me clamp down on WFG (Weekend Fat Girl) for the upcoming lazy/booky/cooky weekend with D.

Guess what?
179.8 did not happen....
.
.
.
177.4 happened.

I fall of the scale. David was waking up asking - as he always do, bless him: "Are we cheering?" If I say yes, then ensues a big cuddle-and-cheer in our messed up morning bed. If I say "no" then ensues a supportive pep-talk about how well I've done so far and this is just a blip.

But today I was so stumped, that I answered: "I don't know. It might be a fluke." 3.4lbs in 3 days? Seriously?

Don't get me wrong, I'm far from complaining. I'm shocked. I don't know what to think.
I ate normal, I did yoga twice, I run 5k once. I drank my water and took my vitamins. So all seemed normal. Well, I just chalk it up for one of those unexpected little surprises Life presents us with - but many times we don't even remember them when in a dark mood or struggling. I shall come back here and read how I felt this morning next time I feel like a weight loss failure.

But boy, isn't it wonderful being in the 170s?? Ahhhh.....

Tonight is movie night with sis: The Lady in Black. We do love our scary movies, D cannot stand them. So we kept this habit of going off and watch scare/gore/etc. just the two of us. I love it. I suspect there's going to some candy or ice cream involved... But I will keep it real - there is not even 10lbs to go to reach "normal" BMI. Oh, how wonderful that will be!

Yoga weekend

I used to do yoga when I was living in Albania, and – thanks to the teacher there – I’ve got both really hooked on the idea and left very disappointed ever since when I tried any yoga courses here in the UK.

Well, let me pre-empt: not this time! Round about 4.30pm on Saturday, in the middle of my right triangle pose the realisation of how good this is and how much I missed the “proper” way of doing yoga hit me so hard that I had to swallow my tears back. It was rather poignant and enlightening. I fell in love with yoga again. I'm still so blissed out following the weekend retreat that you could make me catch butterflies!

The venue was a massive surprise. I know they are a well-known and worldwide charitable organisation, but I did not expect the standard of the place to be so high. It was immaculate, huge, very well furnished and most of all welcoming and lovely! And all this bang in the middle of Putney, London. Here is their link, if you are interested (they have both urban yoga centres and yoga ashrams all around the globe): Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centres

It started at 10.30 on Saturday morning. And it was so thorough and enjoyable: we had 90 minutes yoga first thing, then relaxation, then lunch (protein shake for moi, vegetarian meal for everyone else), then an hour walk by the Thames, then we got acquainted with the principals of yogic life, then another 90 minutes yoga. The day ended with a satsang (30 minutes of silent meditation, meditative chanting of mantras and an easy-to-follow lecture on yoga philosophy or psychology). The same again on Sunday.

What really got me is that everyone, teachers, guest speakers, kitchen staff, shop attendant, everyone is working there on complete voluntary basis and they still manage to run a really swanky and effective operation! That might be an odd statement, but I myself work for a charity in a paid position and I know how much more we can achieve if we could rely more on voluntary work. However, volunteers – as far as our operation manager is concerned and convinced – are inherently unreliable when it comes to scheduling work. Hmm, my experience over the weekend was completely contrary to that. Something we might learn from...

Much more exciting: I did the Crow pose. This one:

I didn't look this cool and collected

I know!!! How you wonder! I couldn't believe it myself. I’m not telling you it wasn’t a struggle, because it was. Huuuuge struggle, and it was mostly in my mind. You know that “I definitely, most positively, 1000% cannot do this, EVER”-feeling. Well, I couldn't. Until our wonderful instructor, Shiva Pria put her finger in front of me, told me focus on it and forget all else, just keep focusing and putting my weight on my hand.... and ta-dah::: there I was in the crow for two seconds. Now that’s what I call a real life NSV!!!

We also learned various breathing techniques, basic meditation practices, chants. It was just a wonderful, wonderful thing to get immersed in right in the middle of normal daily life without having to leave hubby behind for a week. I'm definitely will be going to their Alps ashram as soon as I can for a week or so, and it’s down to David to make up his mind to come with me. He actually mentioned – completely out of the blue – that he’d like to learn yoga. I think I know what we are going to be doing a Saturday afternoon soon: I’m taking him for a free open beginners class. Mark my words!

David, stop reading!
(However, I’m not sure if it’s a such a good idea introducing your other half to yoga... I did this while in Albania, with my ex. I practically pulled him to a yoga class in 2004. Last time I heard, he was resident in an ashram in India. I kid you not!!)

All right, enough of my ravings about yoga – you go and try it! You might be surprised.

Peace for all! 

Oh, I nearly forgot: I signed up for a level 2 retreat weekend in two weeks time – no stopping me!

Sure-fire way to stop WFG (Weekend Fat Girl)

I didn’t cook dinner of Friday. David was picking up his ‘boys’ (sorry, I had to put that in apostrophes as they are both over 6 feet tall now and sprouting all kinds of facial hair, so not really boys any more, right?) So on his way home he picked up a proper British fish-and-chips from the corner. I wasn’t too hungry, but he offered me some and I took a chip from his plate and a tiny bit of fish (not the batter, just the fish meat). Then I took another bite – then another... He even made a snide little comment of me eating all his fish... I wish he said instead “slow down”. That I would have gotten. But snide comments make me even more furious with eating (yeah, still a lot to work on my head-band). So I took a couple of more bites.

And that’s when it happened: a Stuck from Hell!!!

I’ve never felt anything like this before. I was very near to panicking.

I was cool to start with – I took myself off to the loo to let the offending piece of food come up, which it did (aka. Step 1)
But the sliming just kept going on. So I repeated step 1.
Then again.
Then again.
And again.
And I kept doing this all evening, from 8 until 11.

Halfway through I thought I try the papaya enzyme trick, which I used successfully several times before. Nope, not this time. Just more slime.
So I went to bed, hoping that I don’t go to sleep still stuck.

The scary thing was that normally, when something needs to come back up due to fast eating or non-chewing or bad food choice, it comes up (nearly) by itself and it never leaves a throw-up feeling or taste in my mouth/gut. Not this time. Round about 10pm I was still frequently visiting our lovely en-suite (also thanks to my beloved’s remodelling efforts in 2010, it looks like a 5* hotel’s) and puking up bits of fish&chips, but now it felt like they come from “behind”: that they passed the band and they are coming up from underneath, as it tasted and felt like proper “old style” throwing up. On that point I panicked.
Let me tell you why:
I don’t have a doctor here. My doc is at Hungary. I cannot just run to him to ask if everything is all right. And I’m scared to death that I will do something stupid and “cause” a slippage or some such issue. If he was here I’d be sitting in his office right now, demanding a fluoro to make sure my band is still fine and in the correct position. But I can’t. So I had to meditate some on my experience, and then pray that I didn’t cause lasting damage.

Around midnight the pain – did I mention that I was in constant pain? All the way through I felt like an alien is hatching behind my chest – eased some, I chew two antacids and went to bed: it was early wake up on Saturday due to the non-residential yoga retreat... I was still in some pain in the morning, so I ruled out solids for the whole weekend. I existed on protein shakes, milk, herbal tea and water.
... BUT it was all fine, as I was busy doing yoga all weekend, from sunup to sundown. It was actually so good, that I’m doing it again in two weeks time on a level 2 weekend retreat. Yey!

By Sunday evening, I was fine again.

Yesterday I binge eat all kind of nasty staff (like half a bag of tortilla chips, Magnum Mini, Kitkat chunky white choc...) and I had oven baked (but fairly dry) chicken for dinner.
But Scale God did reward me 180 this morning – holy cow! I haven’t been 180 (82kg, 12st12lb) since I was 20 years old! I definitely had a spring in my step coming to work this morning.

Have a great week all of ya’!

I do have a band! (or email blogging s**ks)

I did try to do a post last night using email blogging... did not really work: half of my message was ignored, which made the post completely redundant... Sorry for all who wondered. This is the full version of what I meant to say:

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These are my first ever cookies.
Yes, I'm 36 and never baked cookies before - growing up we didn't know about them behind the Iron Curtain, and here in England they are just not such big a deal as biscuits.
But David loves them and I blame Pinterest for giving me the idea of trying...
So, tonight I baked my first ever chocolate chip cookies:

As you can see, one of them is missing from the corner... Guess what happened to it?

It ended up in the loo... well, after a flying visit in my pouch... I tried the my historical first ever cookie, and it did not go down... But it was DELICIOUS! Thank you Band! 

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Added for the edited version: but the 3 more after dinner DID go down... at 221kcal each (calculated on MFP by adding up the whole recipe) they perked up my daily intake quite a lot. Thank heavens for the 5k run earlier that afternoon! 

And Scale monster was gracious this morning too: 181.2! 

Next week's challenge: breaking into the 170s! (Oh, how I lovvvve the sound of that!)

Tomorrow and Sunday is yoga weekend. I will report back on that experience on Monday.

Have a lovely weekend everyone! 

And try not to ruin your great weekly work by letting the weekend fatty out - that's what I will focus on doing this weekend.

TRMP

(Totally Random Monday Post)

I do not like chocolate, but today I'm on my third Nestle Aero Biscuits, and it's not even 4pm.
I had only left around a 100kcal for dinner... Mind you, I'm going running after work and I'm hardly ever hungry after that. So it MIGHT work out, only if I could stop munching on these choccies. Ahhh.... I don't know what the hell is going on. Hand on heart, Nestle (and companions) could easily shut down as much as I care about their products, but today I cannot seems to stop. I'm inhaling it. Ohh, never mind - there is another day tomorrow.

This weekend is my urban yoga retreat weekend. I haven't done yoga in the last two years, and I really miss it. My doc gave me the all clear for all the funny poses which will inevitably stretch my midsection where my port is located, so it must be fine. I opted for non-residential weekend, but it means at least 3 hours of travel on Saturday and Sunday (there is no parking at the yoga place and London transport sucks at weekends). None the less, I'm really looking forward to it! Two day non-stop yoga between 10.30 and 6pm, followed by a 90 minutes guided meditation. I might just get enlightened by next Monday, if not it will be a great workout. We'll see.

This one is for our precious and much loved Trisha - she will know:

I nicked it from my latest obsession - Pinterest. 

I know!!! It's really addictive! There should be a maximum time they allow you to spend on the site... Then you should be locked out for 24 hours. It's like  a black hole for time... If you don't know what I'm on about, do go and check it out. But be warned...!

Lately I'm having mental/emotional issues with the fact that I'm nearly at my sister's weight. And she used to be the "thin" one in the family. (we are not a family of skinny people, so this is fairly relative) I just have no concept of how I and mine will feel when that changes. It's frankly scary. I do hope she will not start to resent me for taking over her laurels. I do contemplate a lot on this, but I swore to myself I will not build up a subconscious mental block against losing more just because of this. It could easily happen, but this time I'm aware of it and countering it with compassionate thoughts. It's hard work none the less.

Work got really busy lately. Which is a double edge sword, as on one hand I always love being busy and meeting deadlines, on the other I miss my days in the office when I could catch up on Biggest Loser and do great deal of meaningful blog- and forum writing. I still find time in my lunch break to read all your blogs daily. It seems many of us are currently suffering from writers' block - must be the time of year.

Tomorrow Archie is going to be unmanned (neutered). He's over 4 years old, but lately he was getting really out of hand with his territorial behaviours. So after many years of contemplating, agreeing, then changing his mind, David finally booked him in for the procedure. What is it with man not wanting their dogs to be done? Honestly, it comes across as their bits getting snipped, not the dogs'... Weird. Anyway, I hope it does not change his personality (not David's, the dog's) - he is such a funny little creature.

I think that's all I can manage today. I hope my braincells will light up again soon.

Have a lovely week all!