Okayyy... time for relaxing, non-weight loss (sort of) related entry. Enjoy!
So, 8am this morning I had to turn up in my gym for the “filming of the Azucar class”. (again, Azucar is very similar to Zumba, but as I only do Zumba on the wii so far, I cannot tell you what’s the main difference. Probably more impact – we do a LOT of body popping and jumping around) I did as instructed, changed into my – wait for it! – Spandex and thought I check at the studio what’s going on. And that’s when I had my first heart attack!
Let me break it down for you:
I assumed – and we all know what assuming means... – that this is going to be some filler piece in some health show, you know the sort of short reports you can catch on breakfast shows and the like, where they show the class from distance then probably interview the trainer. Was I wrong, ladies and gent!!!! Wroooong!!
The studio we work out in (there are two in our gym) disappeared behind all kinds of lights and cameras and black wall covers and microphones... I was mortified to see all the fuss! This did not look like a “light spot of filming”. Serves me right, as when I was invited by my teacher last week to be “background girl” I did not even bother to ask what kind of show she’s talking about.
I’m still not 100% sure, but what I could gleam out from various people tells me that the show is some kind of weight loss show where a panel of 3 “judges” or trainers or mentors will work with fat people to get them become healthier. In the initial stages they are going to “audition” for various exercise classes and trainings to chose they preferred methods – and that’s when my Azucar class and teacher came into the picture. She was “auditioning” her class in front of the judging panel this morning. Now, I admit I’m not a celebrity spotter so I had no idea what so ever who the judges were... yep, major ignorance here on celeb front.
But it gets worse! Read on...
When the set up of the studio was completed we had to stand in for light checks and such. They had 2 hours just for our minute and a half routine. Because that’s what we were supposed to do. Sans music! Count-in-your-head style. I’m not a chicken, but I only started this class a month ago. I attended 4 so far... that should hint to my confidence level in my moves. ZERO! And we didn’t even had a routine! Pauline (my teacher) kept telling us that it’s just easy move which we do in every class. My ass! (well, that body part will take centre stage later on – keep reading!)
Also, about the “other” background girls: one of them were lost – she apparently went to Westfield in Stratford , not at White City... Major error: other side of London. Pauline had to give up on her. The third background girl was a close friend of Pauline AND a Zumba and aerobics instructor herself. Got the picture??? Pauline: hot and very fit Azucar instructor from France/Peru, another French girl who’s a Zumba instructor – and ME! I mean, this is crazy!
Hold on, it gets worse!
Now, it was not going to be as “simple” as doing our sans-music little routine in front of the cameras a dozen times! Oh noooo! They needed other shots too. The first one: us three coming out from the changing room and “trotting” through the gym. They said words like “work your booties” and “make it sexy” and such nonsense. And they were filming the whole thing from BEHIND – firming and toning butts being the topic of this part of the show. Now let me tell you: me, in a spandex short, from behind IS NOT SEXY! And I CANNOT do the sexy walk either. I'm a big girl. 190lbs in spandex does not look good on telly, I’m telling you.
But I had to bite the bullet – and just do it. I could not let my instructor down. She handpicked me from her class – no one else was there from our Thursday class, only me. I might have been her second-third-fourth choice, I don’t know: there are really hot looking slinky girls in our class, but she ended up with me. So I could not let her down – that’s not how I roll. And anyway, how embarrassing it can be showing your big fat ass in spandex on national television? Who’s honestly going to see it? Couple of millions of people? That’s butt fluff!
(I was f***ing scared to the bone!)
So, they did their shooting of our butts all around the gym in various poses. On one point Pauline had to do her body-pops on the shaking platform (don’t ask, I don’t know what it is, personal trainers are using it with their clients, it’s a feet tall big black box) while me and the other “background girl” had to do stretches focussed on our butts in the background. Honestly... I should have walked off...
But I didn’t.
Then the time came for facing the panel. And that’s when the main judge (I have no clue who she is) had a major diva-breakdown and left the screen crying. It seemed that the whole cast and technical people cannot calm her down and cajole her back on the set. And I wonder why I do not like reality shows (apart from Biggest Loser)... After half an hour she returned, took her seat and we could commence the shooting of our routine. They had a little chat with Pauline to begin with, then we had to do our bit, then two of the judges (not the stroppy one) tried some moves for fun. One of them was a slightly older bodybuilder type guy – assuming again, looking at his muscles – and he was really funny trying to emulate our bottom shaking.
Then all three of them had to give feedback to Pauline about the “class” and the benefits of this kind of workout. But Diva refused to speak, she started crying again and only said “I cannot do this!” in a very dramatic fashion for a couple of times. So Bodybuilder took up her lines and gave more feedback. Then they had to reposition the cameras, so they can shoot the routine in full (put a big camera right in front of us) and we had to walk out and walk in again and do the routine again and the two communicative judges did their trials again too. That was fun again. Especially as the third judge (don’t ask for name – no clue!): she was a very tall (I mean 6’3”) thin blond girl, with a slight Eastern European accent – believe me I can hear them from afar – and a massive beehive hairdo, wearing turquoise leotard, stripy leggings and a bright red 6” platform patent shoe... with a rainbow belt around her tiny waist. She was a sight – but she seemed to be fun too.
Then they did some closing shots with Pauline and us, and we were told we finished. Thank heavens!!! I just about had enough.
In the changing room I found the Diva, sitting on a bench crying profusely – and completely alone. I offered her some water and asked her if she’s all right. She must be throwing the hissy fit from hell, but she’s still a human being in need of compassion. So I offered. She said no, thank you. So I left it. She kept crying – still alone. I was just on the verge of telling her that although I have no idea who she is if she wants to talk about whatever makes her feel so miserable I’m happy to listen... Because me is that kind of person. But then one of the assistants turned up and they started chatting. From what I overheard her problem is being very exhausted (duhh) and that it is still not 100% sure that the show will ever air. What a downer! All my exploits above for nothing! I nearly started crying. Well, not really. I just wrote that for effect so you can see I have some Diva in me too. I’m not only 190lbs fat in spandex....
Have a lovely weekend all!
And don't let your WFG (Weekend Fat Girl) rare her ugly head - I know that's going to be my weekend challenge.