Facing facts

I'm not going to meet my Christmas target.
This was my last "official" weigh-in and I fall 6.6 lbs short of 180.
Is it my fault? I bet'cha! Although I'm taking my exercise very seriously and stay under my calorie goal 99% of the days I do sometimes make appallingly bad food choices. They do not creep in on top of my otherwise good food items, they replace them occasionally. Like last Friday: healthy snack were swapped with Krispy Kreme... or half of the dinner with chocolate truffles (yeah, I know it's Christmas...)... You get the picture.

Am I beating myself up about this unmet goal? Yes, somewhat. But nothing like I used to before surgery.
B.S. (before surgery) I would have given up exercise by now and blame my busy Christmas schedule. I would have eaten ALL the chocolate truffles I allow myself to buy once a year, and would be thinking about buying one more batch. I would also have given up my efforts for making good food choices most of the time and would just eat whatever comes to mind or I stumble across during these genuinely busy days.
A.S. (after surgery) I made a commitment to stick to my exercise until the very last: I have two runs this week to complete 2nd week of Bridge to 10K (Monday and Wednesday) and a final Zumba session on Thursday.
I've "only" been eating 3-5 truffles a day from my carefully made selection (like Kir Royal or lemon or blueberry) and not the full load in one go AND they are all accounted for in my food log (and kept within my daily allowance). I'm doing my best to stick to my regular eating regime until the very last day before Christmas, and I probably going to designate two-three days between 24th and 31st when I can eat a bit more freely - the rest will be "usual".

So yes, I'm disappointed that I did not meet my planned Christmas goal. And yes, if I look back to the last 3 months I've only lost 12ish lbs altogether. Which is not great, is it? But then I'm nearly at the 50lbs mark, which IS great; also the fact that I have only 36.6lbs to go to reach my target weight. And all those points above which I'm doing differently will eventually make all the difference - even if I felt somewhat like a failure on the scale this morning. So I'm balancing the two: being incredibly successful on the long term and a disappointment to myself in the short term. But which one is more precious? Which one has the bigger power over my acts and emotions? That again is a choice I need to make consciously: that I will not let my short term failures to effect my long term success. That I will keep my eyes on the ball, even if I want to sit down and cry. Because putting on 0.6lb this week and not meeting my target does make me feel like crying. However, seeing the spark in David's eyes when he saw me in my proposed Christmas outfits cannot fail to bring the trophy home: I'm already winning this game! Every single day! Even if the scale sometimes says otherwise.

Then again: could I have done better? Sure - I could have just banished all those bad food choices I made since October and meet my goal in a jiffy. Would I be much ahead of my game? Probably 8-10lbs. Is that such a big difference? It depends. Did those bad food choices worth not meeting my goal? Well, I might have to admit that I'm occasionally cool with the more scenic route to weight loss so I can allow some not outrageous but less good food appear in my "repertoire". At the end of the day, I don't want to banish baking forever from my life, I love cooking and I like to be able to allow a tiny indulgence (like a truffle) every now and then. I rather get familiar with how to control those portions than going cold turkey on them.

All right, those are my musings to start off the day. I'm planning one last post before Christmas: on the 23rd is my 6 months "surgiversary". I will post my pictures pre-op and 6 months together with some other numbers and festive cheer. I'll might even let you in to my kitchen for a sneak-peak... I have a WONDERFUL kitchen!

Be kind to yourselves!
xoxo