Weight loss tracker

Friday, 9 December 2011

Bah, humbug!

I'm channelling Ebenezer Scrooge today... 
Is this the flavour of the week or what? So many of you out there were telling us about difficult patches right now. And I like to be there, giving you a virtual hug and telling you to cheer up, because it's all going to go away and you all are going to feel better. 
Now look at normally sparkly, chirpy, always positive and can-do me... Where did that girl go?

I'm trying to hold my pieces together, but find it very difficult. I'm exhausted. I'm moody. I'm aching all over. But mainly tired. So tired. I'd like to check out for a while... (not in a sense of taking my own life, but in a sense of leaving myself behind and going on a carefree holiday.) 
I'm tired of watching what I eat, I'm tired of making 200 good (or less so) food choices a day, I'm tired of walking the dog in the morning, I'm tired of pushing myself through exercise... I just want to curl up on the sofa and not take any notice of the world around me. I really do.
But I cannot. I made a commitment to myself.
I must start digging and come up with some deeply buried, secreted energy and mood reserve to push me through the next couple of days (I'm being optimistic and I'll plan that this rut will not last longer) until I get my usual chirpy mojo back.

The other day I had a somewhat heated forum exchange with another lapband patient who's 4 years post-op and reached her target weight 2 years ago. I've responded to a newbie's post about her band not working and that after 2 fills she can still eat whatever she wants in quantities she wants. Well, I was gentle and factual in my response, but I gave her the low-down on how she should put the work in and not rely 100% on the band. (not doing any work on your own and expecting results from the surgery alone and then complaining that it's not working seems to be the going theme here in England. I'm ashamed of it.) This other lady the "oldie" bandster, nearly shouted my head off saying what a lot of crap is that, as she never learned anything (good eating habits, better relationship with food, importance of exercise, self-regulating your portions, etc.) throughout her 4 years with the gastric band and she still reached her target weight and maintaining it for 2 years now, and the only thing she believes in and relies on is her restriction.
My first thought was - guess what?: "you lucky bitch!"
But, I don't know, maybe her circumstances were so special that she already learnt all those things before and really just needed the restriction, or maybe she's been doing all the right things without realising that she's doing them... I don't know. Do you know any other really successful bandsters who got to their target weight and maintaining without changing anything about their lifestyle?
I'm sorry, I'm digressing from my Scrooge moment...

The reason I mentioned the above incident, because I'd like to be that lady today: not making food decisions, just letting my band stop me when it cannot cope with any more food, not going to the gym tonight to run another 6.75k, not having a nervous breakdown as I'm shunning the scale for two weeks and last night my stomach seemed a bit bigger than before... It would be ideal right about now. 

But then again: no one, absolutely no one is stopping me to do just that. To throw away everything I've learned - even for a while - and just take everything as it comes. It is me, who stops me doing it.
It's going to be me who talks myself onto that treadmill tonight (with the promise of 30 min sauna when I finish - no food rewards in sight!) It's going to be me who makes good decision about my food today (I'm still sipping my breakfast protein shake) and not letting me dive into the office Celebration box... well, maybe just once...
It is me, who's doing this for myself. And even on very difficult and low days like this I must find a way to push myself to do the right things. No one's going to do this to me.

I believe that's the biggest lesson I've learned so far from my band: I can have off days, but I cannot give up fighting the good fight.

This should be my motto:
Disclaimer: I do not "heart" run - I abhor it still. But I keep doing it because it's does good to my body.

A very moody hug for all readers!! Let the Christmas spirits sparkle on your day!

1 comment:

trisha said...

i swear to GAWD our minds think the same. like i could of written most of this myself (minus the parts where your motivation is still present, bc mine is on holiday, orrr so i believe)..