Dreams and wishes - in retrospective

12 months ago, when I was preparing for my surgery I kept my diary fairly up to date. I noted my thoughts, wishes and hopes about the coming 12 months. Now the year passed and it's fun to look back and take stock.

First off: I did not get to my weight goal. I planned to reach 150lbs by now. That did not happen... I was well on track until end of February, but ever since then - for various reasons I will detail in upcoming posts - I've been "stuck" between 175 and 170. A major part of me is disappointed: I could have done it if I would not let all things ruled by my circumstances and emotions... I suppose no matter how much more weight I'll lose and how long I keep on maintaining, I always going to be in risk for emotional eating. I try to control it better, but still have got a lot to learn.
On the other hand, the last two months I've been maintaining my weight without much effort and - I'm sad to admit - much control over food choices. That must be good news. So there: I've got my silver lining.

Secondly - or second off? - how much do you believe you're creating your future? Like it or not? Gather around for a cautionary tale...
There was one point in my list of 12 month plans, which I kept ignoring: I told myself a year ago that by now (i.e.: 12 months after my list was jotted down) I have to have a new job. I had been having that niggling need for a change of scenery for ever. My job was very nice and cosy and easy, nothing challenging or out of the ordinary, and - first and foremost - it paid fairly well. Just one example: I always had time to do my due blogging every week... It was also a great location: my gym was in my way coming and going every day.
And then 24th February came - I was suddenly out of my cosy job. That of course initiated a massive effort in finding a new job. It did happen eventually: I started in my new position on 1st May. It's much more interesting, challenging, a huge step up on the carrier ladder (I have 5 direct reports now who call me boss... strange sensation) and it's only 30 minutes commute door to door - and I'm taking a train! Yeyy!
And then, I suddenly remembered: I had this planned a year ago! I wanted to have a new and more rewarding job by June 2012! This did not happen by chance - I made this happen. Although I didn't do so consciously. I planted the seed of this change - and now it's reality. Do you dig what I'm getting at?

I create my own future. Full stop. 

And this was not the first time I experienced this mighty great sensation. I have written proof of watching my dance teacher performing at a venue and that I felt this strong emotion that I want to be exactly there and performing too - and I inherited her contract within a year from that. I only noticed that during a re-read of my diary (I like to do that every now and then) much later on. That used to be my favourite example story of how creating our own future works. Now getting my new job is right up with it.

So there: I'm important and busy now, people take me and my decisions very seriously. Between you, me and the fencepost: I sometimes struggle taking myself seriously, so this is quite an experience... 

And the best thing is: I no longer have to hide in the "cupboard" about my surgery! I can tell people. And I do. I'm still very selective about who I let know, but in the last couple of weeks I did tell one or two people. It did not come back to me yet, so I suppose not everyone is a total gossip. Or they just don't mind. I did have to put it on my medical form - and I did not mind it. Just like I did not mind putting 173lbs as my weight... It felt sooooo good!!!

There are, of course, downsides too: I'm no longer a gym member and there is no gym on my commute. I will have to figure a new habit for putting in my exercise. And I definitely do not have the time to do my blogging at work. I have to establish a new habit about that too. And for some reason I cannot seem to eat at work - mind you I'm spending most of my lunch-breaks at my desk.

So there is a lot of new habit to get into, new ways to figure things out. But I know I can do it. It might take some time, but I will get there. 

And then I will really and truly back on track to get to my goal. Mind you... I might need to revise that... but that's for the next entry.

Good night all!