A retrospective piece... (from my diary)

OK, cake... in the kitchen. Why is it calling my name?

Do I crave it?... No!

Am I hungry?... No!

Do I need the “nutrients”?... No!

Then why on Earth am I contemplating going to the kitchen and eat some cake???

Why do I put things in my mouth if the answer to all the questions above is NO???

I need to dig into this. I feel like I’m giving myself permission under certain circumstances. Special dispensation to eat cr.p if:

•           I made it myself
•           I bought it myself (most of the time under the pretence of buying it for “others”)
•           I'm in my native land of Hungary.

It goes something like this: “it’s only half a portions” or “it doesn’t happen every day”. But the most vile of all these thoughts is “what if I cannot eat this ever again?”.

Why do I let these crappy excuses sabotage my rules? Where is that little weak corner in my resolve where I so easily retreat under these circumstances? Where is this weakness rooted?

And on the other end of the thought process: where is the voice giving me special dispensations coming from?

I must be on the lookout for the answers to these questions. I must watch myself like a hawk and catch them in the act, find them out, unmask and understand them so they can be resolved and banished for the rest of my life.

P.s.: for anyone who’s interested: I DID NOT EAT THE CAKE...